Funny Songs

What does Weird Al Yankovic have that I don’t have?

The love of millions. A brand everyone recognizes. And parents who named their boy Weird. (What? They didn’t?)

But I write song parodies, too. Lots of them have been on National Public Radio and some are in my book, “The Dysfunctional Family Christmas Songbook” (sing along at Dysfunctionalchristmas.com), published by Random House.

Did Weird Al ever write a song about the other weird Al – Gore? I doubt it. Click below and you may hear your first global warming Christmas carol.

AN ODE TO CHENEY (YOU CAN’T TRUSTA DICK WITH A GUN)
(Sung to the tune of Irving Berlin’s”You Can’t Get a Man With a Gun.”)strong>

I’m quick with the buckshot
And you all know the upshot:
Yes, there’s blood when the day is done
But here’s what is scary –
I meant to hit John Kerry
Oh, you can’t trust a Dick with a gun.

When I’m giving orders
Or hiding from reporters
You can bet that I’m having fun!
But when it comes to aiming,
Just call me “Auntie Maim-ing”
Oh, you can’t trust a Dick with a gun.

With a gun, with a gun,
No, you can’t trust a Dick with a gun.

When I was a draftee,
I thought of something crafty:
I told them I had to run.
But now that I’m grown up,
I like to see things blown up
And I may shoot a male on the trail like a quail
So you can’t trust a Dick with a gun.
If I go out shootin’,
I’m just like Vladdy Putin:
I turn red as the setting sun
But when blood starts a-spurtin’,
It ain’t at Halliburton
No, you can’t trust Dick with a gun.

I’m tough as a marlin
With someone else’s darlin’
When the war I insist be won.
But it hurts me a fair spot
To see a millionaire shot,
No, you can’t trust a Dick with a gun.

With a gun, with a gun.
No you can’t trust a Dick with a gun

If you seek reduction
In weps of mass destruction
I believe I can find you one.
Okay, I’m confessin’:
It’s my sweet Smith & Wesson’
Cause I shoot like a coot and I start wars to boot!
No, you can’t trust a Dick with a gun.