AMERICA’S PRINCESS, PARIS HILTON

The English major sat on his air mattress, one of the two pieces of furniture in his New York apartment, as a stunning German TV reporter leaned over him. “I have to ask this question,” she said apologetically. “Are you in love with Paris Hilton?”

David Seaman, the student, did not even crack a smile. He is not in love with Ms. Hilton, he averred. He simply created a web site demanding, “Free Paris!” because he felt bad the heiress had received a 45-day jail term for driving with a suspended license.

As for the fact her license had been suspended because she’d previously been caught drunk driving, well, he felt bad about that, too. “I think the drunk driving part is terrible!” he said. (It is.)

Still, he feels Ms. Hilton is a “scapegoat,” and that “if we free one celebrity” maybe “we can change the sentencing laws in California,” and then we can turn our attention to “decriminalizing marijuana” and…and…he got in over his head. Look, he’s a nice guy, with a lot of not-quite-formed points to make, and he just happened to make them using Paris Hilton’s name.

And then all hell broke loose.

Calls started pouring in from CNN, MSNBC, newspapers, radio — international TV. He started getting hate mail.

Forget about all the press the Hilton case is getting, said Seaman. “I don’t even like the press I’m getting!”

And yet, there was more to come.

The German TV crew had come to Seaman’s apartment to get the back story before following him down to the “Free Paris!” protest he had organized for that afternoon (and for which he had made three “Free Paris” T-shirts).

This was supposed to be held at 4 p.m. in New York’s famed Washington Square Park — until Seaman learned that New York University was holding its graduation there. So he moved it to a sidewalk several blocks away and that’s where everyone showed up.

Everyone with a TV camera or reporter’s notepad, that is. Maybe 20 of us.

“Do you think any actual protesters are going to show?” we kept asking each other. “Dunno. Getting late.” Pause. “Well, do you think Paris deserves jail time?”

Seaman found himself fielding even more interviews, as did his one special guest, Natalie Reid. “I’m the famous Parish Hilton look-alike,” Reid introduced herself.

Why, she was asked, is Paris Hilton is such a media magnet? “She’s America’s princess,” Reid said.

But why?

“She’s America’s princess.”

She may have a point.

A princess commands attention by holding her head high (and being rich). Princess Paris held her head regally haute through the kind of embarrassments most of us peasants have nightmares about. She’s been seen naked in public and had her medicine cabinet exposed to the world (when she didn’t pay her mini-storage bill). She’s been booked for driving drunk.

“If she farts, we report on it,” said the German TV reporter, Sabine Beckert. Then she returned to doing, basically, just that.

For this opportunity, she had Seaman to thank: a young man who is not in love with Paris Hilton, but who got a little taste of what it must be like to be her, in all its exhilarating nothingness.